to wichita!
how wonderful 
well i really want a job. would make things a little less boring. the cold forces us to stay in a lot.
ive finally gotten it cleaned and decorated to my liking for now the in-laws are coming this weeken, hopefully bringing along my little loves 
i havnt seen them in three weeks!
well anyways. life here is going to be great once i get out of the circle of “eternal saturday”
yeesh.
im definitely a last minute person. so when it comes to studying im a biiit of a cruncher.
sometimes though i just know the marterial, as in the case of my science final this morning. i think i did alright on it!
but math is coming up wednesday! dundunDUN!
so im getting some help from chelsea again. it helps to just have someone to sit there and talk things through with, even if shes not in the class, at least shes smart! hehe
but ugh i just have this impending doom! i need at least a D, yes it has gotten THAT bad!
its all i need but its also where im sitting, the lowest a d could possibly be! so i have noooo idea what kind of a grade i need onthe final to keep myself a float, which is probably a good thing, because since i dont know that means i need to do as much as i possibly can to get an A on the final!
al;jda;lkjdf;alksdf
college life!
i cant wait to just enjoy the holiday!
things have been rough the last few weeks. with thanksgiving and finals and takinga break from uly.
but things will be well again
our dog roo just had puppies yesterday! so its been such a blessing being with her.
today im going to continue working on ulys christmas present, a bucilla stocking, and dcorate the christmas tree! by myself 
lol its ok though haha.
I cant wait for finals week to be over with. i studied hard for my math test and i think i did well and i worked VERY hard on my science term paper thursday! so friday i felt very accomplished! but i will need to study tonight for science and th rest of the week for math and do two more workouts.
after finals week i have plans to bake some cookies whether my friends want to join me or not hehe! im sure uly will though
im going to use a recipe from taste of home his time around. i like testin out the different kinds so i can decide on one that i want to be my tried and true!
im here at school developing some pictures in my off time. they didnt turn out as well as imm hoped they would. my subject matter on the first roll was AWESOME too bad i ruined that roll. this one the lighting and everything was fine….just ag. the pics of my grandparents wouldve been soooo much better!i think my grandmas gnarled hands are so lovely. perhaps the ONE picture of hers that seemed to turn out will be good. it was her hands under running water. and then i have all the ones of the skater kids to fall back on….blech 
uly and i just turned in our donations for the food drive. makes me so happy
i love this christmas spirit. i also love saving money and balancing my checkbook 
im so weird i know. but ive been watching my savings lately.
i do need rubber floormats for my carito gah im just blabbing on.
i got my phone fixed and my laptop at home now, so hopefully i can upload some pics now!
i find it disgusting when thanksgiving and halloween are over shadowed by the fat guy in a red suit.
but i try to remember theres more than matchbox cars, barbie dolls mansions, and back massagers at work this time of year, and even year round.
i found the joy of volunteering early this semester. first i helped my teacher move when they had no one else to help them, then i helped children carve pumpkins who otherwise their parents might not have even thought of doing it, then there was the blood drive, i couldnt get myself to give blood, but i did help them sign people in.
now i have the opportunity to buy food for the homeless and even get some extra credit out of it. sounds like a pretty sweet deal.
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tomorrow my oldest cousin is getting married. im very excited about my little get up. i shouldnt really want to be turning heads since its not my wedding(and if anyone showed up to my wedding in anything more scandelous it beat them up!)
but its really not that bad, not by my standards….just its the 21st century! the skirt goes all the way to my finger tips! AND im wearing opaque panty hose so huh! cometelo!
on the drive up to it i think ill work on the merry christmas project…and perhaps if i bget realy bored at the wedding ill work on my homework. college algebra is kickking my but right about now. and im pretty scared, cause i dont think my homeworl scores will save me anymore. i have to get practically 90s on the next three tests to pass…exponents arent too bad…i just NEED to STUDY! thats all there is to it. i have to take more than the hour i have before class to study. i just have to be in the rythmn of it. thats the way math is most of the time.
just like right now i could be getting some stuff here on my desk done so at least id feel better about myself.
arg! life you get me grumpy! too much on my plate perhaps. wears me out!
and my mind off of school, i found this little project intriguing, amongst all the other things i must get done…but at least when im sitting idle at my grandmas house this thanksgiving i will have a little something to do!. ahhh and finishing ulys blankie.
crochet is tooo much fun! good thing theres a bit of break before christmas for last minute shtuff…ill have to shoo uly away while i work hehe.
i have some great gift ideas mostly from U.O. they have a little something for everyone i think hehe.
working out has been going well, but another “charity for points” opportunity came up. and really i probably wouldnt be doing this on in particular if i wasn’t getting class credit, but at the same time it feels really great to be giving back. itll be the 4th time these last three months Ive volunteered!
im very proud of myself.
they gave us a shopping list with a few things like tuna veggies and cereal on it, we buy it, show em the receipt and get some class credit.
im thinking about making some Christmas goodies when the time comes around, things like chocolate covered pretzels and oatmeal cookies, to give to friends and family.
but for now i have to concentrate on the up coming wedding and of course thanksgiving! this year i might even helped clean up im in such a volunteering mood!
halloween was such a bust,
i didnt even bother taking many pics, especially of the cookies.
hardly anyone showed up…one friend cause she had cramps and was feeling sorry for herself, wouldnt EVEN answer the phone to tell us what was up…really upset me, and the other one acted like she couldnt even ask to stay out another our after she got off work… but anyway, no holding grudges right…
the cookies were delicious, and we found out a spooky story about a current living urban legend by the name of… SLENDER MAN!
hes creeeeppyyyy weve seen all the entries and are really getting into it, but not as much as my bro and his buddies… it was great for halloween i have lots of great decorations for the years to come now i spose… now im panicing about needing workout clothing and SHOES omg ive been addicted to working reasons:
-i only have tme for class and work
-i used to run a lot
-the endorphins are good for my brain
-i dont have time to knit/crochet or be on the internet
-a place to let out my anger somewhat so im all about fitness i really need to cut out sugar from my diet too…drink some real juices… im more in the running spirit now than i was wen i could run 3 miles in 30 mins however yesterday i ran one mile in 9:10 mins but its on a treadmill..i cant ever decide to just trust its judgement
much happier thoughts today.
mostly of halloween and fall, and christmas even! (i bought a sparkle covered reindeer )
ive got some lists going of the things i want to buy and the sales i should watch for.
(i guess ive just decided to wait on new clothes till christmas…except the purse i have on layawy oooobviously have to get that still.)
things like candles and table clothes and metal decor…ceramic ghosts and garland…
all sorts of fun things…
but martha stewart has me thinking in a much more crafty way!
im definitely going to make her musty wreath
some other things to craft up on my list would be
-some vintage looking fan halloween characters
-silver, white, and glitter pumpkins
-spooky silhouettes
-and a coffin table!
well see how money goes tho before i get too excited
i have never had such a tantrum since i was a child…
but he made me cry. he keeps going in the past. over and pver. and i have to explain these hurtful things i did over and over. when none of it should matter. especially the details.
i screamed so loud my head pulsed. i didnt know the bloddy murder i could make til today. i hit the car i hit my head against the car.
i completely broke down…
then i was a zombie. numb to everything
and he starts throwing a similar tantrum. hes going numb he says. he wants me to hold him (after he gets done yelling at me for things i cant change) i hit him. tell him to stop it. hes screainscreamingscreamin. i shiver all over. all over. im not myself.
then i snapped
what am i doing. im done. grow the fuck up ulysses. i slap him twice. stop it. this is dumb. grow up grow up grow up
i cant even describe all this. it probably reads so oddly.
because thats how it happened.
i have to put up with this sort of event fairly often. and usually the same subject. my past relations.
im trying to promise myself that if this is all abusive and happens again i will leave him. no matter how much i love him. i will have to leave.
at least for a while.
